Sexual abuse is the single most emotionally devastating act that can be perpetrated on an individual. Of all the wounds we can receive, sexual abuse is the most damaging. No matter what kind of sexual abuse was perpetrated on us, it had a devastating effect upon every part of who we are: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Sexual abuse strikes us in our heart and soul and wounds the core of our being. Sexual abuse brings about destruction and devastation to all of our child-like qualities as nothing else can do. Even the smallest act of sexual abuse can change our lives forever. Now, it is possible to heal the devestating experiences of sexual abuse. All those wounds can be healed, your child-like traits can be restored and your life miraculously transformed. You can live free of the past, be in control of your own life, and be the creator of your world.

Beverly Engel, in The Right to Innocence, Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse, puts sexual abuse in the correct perspective. She says,

“Sexual abuse is the most horrific act that can befall a human being. Simply put, it is any sexual activity into which a defenseless person is coerced, manipulated, and/or forced. On paper the words seem so inadequate in describing such a devastating act.”

In the past, sexual abuse was defined narrowly as:

"the act of a man penetrating some orifice of a woman’s body with his penis in an aggressive or brutal fashion without her consent."

Now we know sexual abuse is far broader than that and it is not necessarily perpetrated in a physically violent manner. It can include many different activities and be instigated in numerous other ways, such as through bribery, seduction, manipulation, and/or intimidation. In the broader sense of how we define sexual abuse now, people are considered to have been sexually abused if they have been:

¹ Forced implies that it was done in an overpowering way. But the words: bribed, manipulated, seduced, intimidated, coerced, pressured, enticed, or similar words, could all be substituted in each place where the word “Forced” is used.

It is important to point out that, although, the wide range of sexual abuse activities encompasses differing degrees of violation, each act of sexual abuse can create a traumatic wound to the soul of the victim, which lasts a lifetime. Although, men and women have both been sexually abused, statistics show that most sexual abuse is perpetrated by men against women. This being said, it is clear that a large precentage of men who sexually abuse women had been sexually abused as children. But no matter who the abuse happens to, the victims’ lives are changed forever and victims look at themselves and the world through different eyes.

In whichever manner sexual abuse was perpetrated on you, the damaging affects of its wounds alter every part of your life by:

• Stripping you of your innocence and purity 
• Destroying your sense of personal boundaries
• Killing your trusting nature
• Wiping out your self-confidence
• Scarring your personal identity
• Limiting your ability to connect emotionally with others
• Wounding the core and soul of who you are

It takes only one act of sexual abuse for a person to no longer feel pure and innocent, to no longer be able to trust others, to no longer have trust in themselves, to no longer have confidence in themselves, to no longer see their awesomeness, to no longer be able to connect emotionally with others, and to no longer be in touch with the deepest part of themselves. One act of sexual abuse fills a person with shame, guilt, self-doubt, disgust, and separation from others.

INCEST

If it is possible for one kind of sexual abuse to be worse than any other, the most abominable of all sexual abuse may be incest, sexual abuse that has been perpetrated by a father towards his innocent little child. The parent who should have been the protector and nurturer of a precious little one is instead the destroyer of their child’s heart and soul.

The victim of incest has an added burden to endure. Besides the devastation of the abuse, the victim lives with a constant and daily reminder of the abuse. Not only does the victim have to live in the house the abuser provides, eat the food the abuser brings home, wear the clothes the abuser buys; the victim has to keep the abuse a secret . . . daily living a lie and pretending as if everything is normal.

This leads to the question many have asked: How could a mother not be aware that abuse is happening right under her nose? Research shows that in many cases the mother of the victim had also been abused as a child. Now, as an adult to protect herself from having to face her own childhood abuse, she blocks out or shuts her mind to what is happening to her child. If she did see what was going on with her child, then she would have to deal with what had previously happened to her.

SUPPRESSED MEMORIES

Many women suppress memories of sexual abuse. Although, they do not consciously remember the sexual abuse, those memories are still there and still have an effect upon them. The ability to suppress traumatic memories is a built-in mechanism that allows us to emotionally survive those traumatic events. The mind was designed to compartmentalize and store traumatic events away when we do not have the tools to deal with them or the emotional maturity to cope with them at the time they occurred.

Compartmentalizing traumatic events enables us to go on living our daily lives in spite of what has happened to us. But, there comes a time when those suppressed memories will eventually surface. Compartmentalizing is only a temporary means of survival.  The human body, mind, heart, and soul wants and needs a resolution to the past trauma, so eventually, those supressed memories will begin to surface.

There are different kinds of experiences that will cause the suppressed memories to come to a person’s conscious awareness. Renee Fredrickson wrote a list of ten triggers that would result in the surfacing of an abusive memory in Advanced Clinical Skills in the Treatment of Sexual Abuse. Those triggers are:

1. Death of perpetrator or a parent you are unconsciously protecting
2. Confronting a known perpetrator
3. Entering a significant psychosexual developmental stage
4. Ending an addiction that keeps the memories away
5. Intrusion of the reality of sexual abuse through newspapers, friends, etc.
6. Child you identify with reaches the age you were when abused
7. Pregnancy or birth of a child or grandchild
8. Feeling safe
9. Feeling strong
10. Unknowingly experiencing a situation that is similar in some way to the original abuse

DATE RAPE

College campuses, places where we once thought our daughters were safe, are no longer safe. Campuses across America have an alarming number of occurrences of sexual abuse every year. It is estimated that one out of four women is sexually assaulted on college campuses each year. We do not know the true extent of this crime, because it is thought that only one in ten of those assaulted ever reports it. And since an estimated 90 percent of the perpetrators are friends and acquaintances of the victim, rape often occurs within a “dating” circumstance. Date rape is a big problem and becoming a bigger problem every year on college campuses.

Date rape can possibly happen to any young woman, but the ones it usually happens to are young women who do not feel good about themselves and who do not have clear and defined personal boundaries. The majority of the time, date rape happens to vulnerable women whose self-esteem is already fragile.


Healing Sexual Abuse

Although, any kind of sexual abuse is devestating, it no longer needs to be an experience that destroys the rest of your life. LifeLine Therapy is an incredibly powerful, yet gentle process for healing those wounds. This therapy heals these wounds mentally, emotionally, and to the core level of who you are without you ever having to relive any of your traumatic experiences again. Go to LifeLine Therapy to read more about this incredible therapy.

The following stories taken from Dr. Greene's book, The HONORED PROMISE of LifeLine Therapy, are testimonies of the way LifeLine Therapy transformed the lives of women who had been sexually abused. These women came to Dr. Greene as victims of sexual abuse and left powerful victors whose hearts were healed and their lives transformed.

Sexual Abuse Stories

Some of the names of the authors have been changed to protect their privacy or that of their families. There are more stories by women whose sexual abuse wounds were healed in Dr. Greene's book, The HONORED PROMISE of LifeLine Therapy.

Linda's Story

"My suppressed memories of sexual abuse first came to me when I was twenty-six and in graduate school and started having my own sexual experiences. I was incapable of having sex before that time. As I began having sexual experiences, I remembered with horror, “Oh, my God, I did this with my father.”

As I began discovering my suppressed memories, I realized my earliest recollection of my abuse was from when I was about four years old. Our dad always took us into the bathroom to sexually abuse us. I say us because my twin sister and I were both his victims. I thought his abuse was just limited to us, but a couple of years ago, I was shocked to discover the abuse reached to other female members of our extended family.

In the bathroom, the chamber of hell, my father taught me how to stroke his penis for his satisfaction. It escalated to oral sex. I don’t remember how long the abuse went on—possibly until my father’s progressive alcoholism rendered him incapable of the stalking and the completion of his defiling acts. My sister has many more memories of the details than I do. She did not dissociate as I did to protect myself. She remembers his using a butter knife to open the bathroom latch to get in to her. She would fight and push him away. My mind guided me to submission as my survival strategy. My sister has taken a different path to coping with abuse. But even though she rose to a very responsible executive position within the federal government and supervised seventy-five people, she started having panic attacks and fear of driving and of being alone. She took an extensive course on phobias and learned how to manage the fear.

It has been a long path to healing for me. Self-help became my mission, my pastime, and my hobby. I read self-help books and articles, attended workshops, and began therapy. I saw counselors in college and graduate school briefly when I felt depressed. They were minimally helpful.

During a period of time, I actively worked to communicate with my father about my abuse, when I had pulled back the curtain of forgetfulness, I experienced the fear more potently. I had difficulty riding elevators, because the confined space made me feel vulnerable and afraid. Rather than be alone in an elevator, I would take the stairs.

When I married at thirty, my husband was frustrated by my lack of interest in sexual experiences, but he was kind and patient. During the time I was working on dealing with the abuse, I felt smothered if he wanted to be on the top during sex. But we were able to communicate and he went to a therapy session with me. He was understanding and gave me the support I needed. My husband was one of only three men who taught me that men could be trusted.

Two further efforts were helpful at that time. I attended a family-of-origin support group for two and one-half years, and it became my family of support. When we began reading John Bradshaw, I was amazed to read someone who described my shame. As a group we wrote, we shared, we cried, we screamed, and we came to love each other. I also went to a thirteen-week sexual abuse class. It helped some as well.

Despite these early efforts at healing, I always felt there was a hole in my deepest center, a hole in my soul. Low self-esteem and shame were the greatest effects of the sexual abuse and of life with my alcoholic father. It was a sad day when I realized that I could not recall a single instance of his being sober.

In 1999, we moved, and I met Dr. Lockietta Greene. After receiving Lockietta’s help for another issue, I decided to seek her help for this as well. Despite all the work I had done previously in healing my sexual abuse wounds, negative core beliefs still percolated in my soul. I still had not forgiven my father. After twenty-five years, I still would not have a lock on my bathroom door and would never be locked in a bathroom again.

Lockietta described her therapy to me and it was compatible with my beliefs and interests. I was fascinated. She spent a good deal of time with me identifying all the remaining feelings of unworthiness and fear and need to perform for authority figures, etc.

The LifeLine Therapy process was comfortable and relaxing. It was incredibly thorough—all the issues were brought forward. It felt safe to be vulnerable and reveal my painful past and the emotional baggage and burdens I was living with. The process of looking at all these in a step-by-step way was gentle, safe, and comfortable. The resulting feeling was a sensation of finally letting go. I felt as though heavy weights were lifted from me. Releasing these left a clean space and opportunity for new positive energy to emerge. It was liberating to acknowledge that the negative view I once had had of myself was not who I really am.

Within weeks following therapy, I noticed that I was happier and more confident and was taking more risks. It was a surprise to notice myself being OK to do things I had not done before. I loved singing and had always wanted to sing in a group, and now I had the confidence to join a choir. It’s terrific and I’ve continued to enjoy it greatly

Since this therapy, I have a better sense of my strengths. My relationship with my husband is more open and I’m less afraid of conflict. We now have a solid relationship and I express more and more of myself. I was married ten years before I could have an orgasm; now we enjoy a normal, loving sexual relationship.

I have forgiven my father and feel a tremendous emotional block has been dissolved. Someone said that forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It really is more about us than the other person. Now thoughts of my father have no negative power over me. At a choir talent show I sang a song called, “My Father,” which I dedicated to his memory as a symbol of forgiveness and peace.

I feel optimistic and excited about what lies ahead and I look forward to traveling and playing in my retirement. Thank you, Lockietta, for your wonderful help!"

Anna's Story

"I was adopted when I was four months old. I always felt rejected, which left me with a big, empty space in my heart. I grew up feeling different and the favoritism my dad showed to the other siblings left me feeling bitter towards men.

I thought I felt different because I was adopted, but later I saw how it was also because my dad sexually abused me. The abuse caused me to mistrust men, and also destroyed my trust in God because my dad was a minister. I was sexually abused from age five until I was eight, when I finally had the courage to tell my mom and she put a stop to it.

It was amazing that my father could get away with the sexual abuse when my mother was always there in the house. He made me take “naps” with him. He never penetrated me, but fondled me and made me touch him. I dreaded those times, but went obediently to the bedroom with him. Afterwards, he would ask me if I liked it and I was scared to tell him no. One time when we were on vacation, he did it to me in the backseat of the car while Mom was driving.

This abuse affected the way I viewed myself. I always felt a sense of loss and had no self-worth. I questioned my value and who I was, never feeling I was good enough. The abuse gave me a distorted view of God and distorted my relationship with Him. I felt messed up and this affected the direction of my life. I questioned men and their motives and was attracted to the wrong kind of guys. I always seemed to take the wrong path. Looking back, I see that I was a victim of my circumstances.

Being a preacher’s daughter, I had standards imposed on me that I could never live up to. I saw and was taught one thing, but the reality of life with my dad was different.

When I was a teenager, going to church was for show, so that my parents looked good. Because I saw my dad as a hypocrite, I went to church with an “attitude” and felt like a rebel. I hated my dad and could not stand to breathe the same air as he did. To spite him, I would sneak out of my bedroom at night.

To compensate for my emptiness, I looked for a sense of belonging and worked hard all my life to fit in. In high school I worked hard to make friends in every clique. I started looking for love in all the wrong places. Even as an adult, I thought sex would give me love, and I gave it hoping to receive love, acceptance, and approval. But no matter what I did, I felt empty.

I couldn’t seem to help continuing to pick the same kind of guys. They were always the black sheep of their families, rebels and outcasts. They were so great at the beginning of the relationship and then turned into controlling, manipulative, and angry men. Both guys I thought I was in love with were like my father, men who could never be pleased.

Just before I met Dr. Greene, I had moved out and away from my abusive husband and was going through a difficult divorce. I had no place to live, no car, and no income, and worst of all, I was terrified I would lose the kids. Terrified was not even the word for it. I felt I was in a nightmare. My husband had tried to convince me that I was crazy. I was such an emotional wreck I had begun to think maybe I was crazy. I was so paranoid about my safety and everything that I was calling the police often. My friends mentioned that I had a panicked look in my eyes like a deer caught in a car's headlights.

I came to therapy with Dr. Greene with mixed emotions. I was excited, yet nervous and apprehensive. Because I was paranoid, I was afraid of what she would think of me. But once I started talking to her, I felt comfortable and safe. The therapy was relaxing though at times emotional. There was a place in the therapy where I felt as if I were on a roller coaster ride as I felt every emotion that I had never allowed myself to feel before.

Other therapies had left me empty-handed, whereas going through LifeLine Therapy, I knew I had accomplished something. In talk therapy, I only got validation, but here I made progress. I felt I was letting go and moving forward. Not all of it was easy, because I had to think. And it was intense, because it was a time of real soul-searching.

Since therapy, I have done things I never thought I could do: maintain and keep a house, keep up with my finances and car repairs, fix plumbing and replace a toilet, and even chop wood.

In the past, I was always driven, even desperate, to have a guy in my life. Now I can picture my life without a man. I don’t need one. Now I know if I do have a guy in my life in the future, it will be an equal relationship.

As far as feeling crazy, I know I’m not crazy. I am just going through a difficult divorce. I know I am a good mother and know I can get along without my husband.

But the most beneficial part of the therapy is how differently I feel toward God. Before seeing Lockietta, I had no connection with God. I knew about Him in my head, and knew how to act, dress, and look like a Christian, but God didn’t feel real to me. Now He is real to me and I can connect with Him. He is so different than I ever imagined. Now going to church is not a show anymore. I go for fellowship, but I now know I don’t have to go to church to be a Christian.

Before therapy I felt as if I were in a rowboat with one oar, going around in a circle. Now I feel God is rowing with me and we are going somewhere. When I pray and read the Bible, I now feel connected to God. Before, I never felt good enough, but now I know He is my Father and I’m His daughter.

Instead of noticing a panicked look in my eyes now, my friends mention how relaxed I look. One friend even said I have a sparkle in my eyes.

Although there are still a lot of things to change, I feel I have been given another chance in life. I don’t need to call the police anymore, because I feel confident that everything is going to be all right. But most important, I feel secure with my relationship with God."

Melissa’s Story

"I was a victim of sexual abuse by my father and physical and sexual abuse from others. I was so hopeless. I saw the world as an evil, ugly place.

I had been through years of all types of therapy. I was told that no matter how much I dealt with the abuse, it would always be a part of my life like a dark cloud that would always hang over me. Dr. Greene’s therapy changed all that.

I came to a point where I felt myself becoming detached from reality. Nothing I tried seemed to numb the pain anymore. I was so miserable I was willing to do anything to get rid of the pain. It was at that point that I believe God intervened and brought Dr. Greene into my life.

Dr. Greene gave me something very few healers offer—the gift of healing. It is such a beautiful feeling knowing there is nothing in me that I cannot heal. I never knew or imagined that life could be so full of joy and love and could be so wonderful. Thank you!"

If you have been sexually abused and are now ready to heal those wounds and want the experience of your life being transformed, make an appointment for LifeLine Therapy or find where you can attend The Promise of Healing workshop, a workshop specifically designed for women to heal the wounds of sexual abuse, call:

360-326-3077    or    1-877-884-5527

Read more about LifeLine Therapy and
The Promise of Healing workshop

To read 39 stories about the healing of many different issues,
order your copy of Dr Greene's book today,
 The HONORED PROMISE of LifeLine Therapy!

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